Lyrical Coma

Tammy Faye dead at 65

2007-07-21T23:01:00.000-05:00

Tammy Faye had just done a final interview with Larry King on Thursday, looking like a skeletal shell of who she used to be. She passed away the following morning.

I remember when I was younger and there was the whole sex scandal and money laundering charges centered around her ex-husband, Jim Bakker, and how it made me completely distrust organized religion. Although she was not implicated in any crime, I never believed those masscara-stained cheeks again. It all seemed like a rouse and I had been tricked all this time.

Now that I'm older and can see beneath the surface a bit more clearly I understand that Tammy Faye tried to do good things with her life, but kept getting screwed over. It didn't help matters that her trademark eyes always prevented me from taking her seriously. No one wants their life to become a joke though, so it's quite a sad event in that respect. On that note, I feel it's appropriate to leave you with this.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. - Revelation 21:4 (King James Version)

4 Years Gone

2007-07-20T23:12:00.000-05:00

You're enjoying a few drinks with friends during 4th of July festivites when suddenly you notice a large man walking towards you. It's not just any man, but a convicted criminal.

You know this, because you're the one that put him behind bars. You raise you hand instinctively and brush the side of your head. You lightly trace the small indention, where hair refuses to grow anymore. The entry wound is still tender and twinges a bit when it rains. It's the mark that HE left you with to forever remember how you barely survived the ordeal. You still haven't been able to shake the recurring nightmares that make you bolt upright in the dark and leave you drenched in sweat, sleepless and alone.

This has to be your imagination, this can't really be happening.

The man continues walking in your direction, moving ever closer. His eyes focused on you.

Your limbs have become useless except for your hand that has started twitching uncontrollably, spilling the remainder of your gin and tonic on the bar floor. You cannot even manage to blink, as if your eyes were cameras that must record every detail in this final chapter.

The man stands before you now and takes his hand out of his pocket.

You let out a small gasp, barely audible as all the air seems to have left your lungs. He's here to finish a job he botched the first time. It will all be over soon.

He reaches out and puts his hand in yours, lightly shaking it. You cringe, unable to mask your horror and quickly recoil. He apologizes for the grief he's put you through and says he would change it if he could do it all over.

You can only muster a feeble nod of acknowledgement and he silently turns and walks away. You feel dizzy and your stomach is churning, while your muscles ache from the tension. It will still be a few moments before you can whisper "help," then topple out of your chair and collapse, unconscious on the floor.

The embellishment is fiction, but the story is true. Read it here.

Hide the Garden Gnomes!

2007-07-20T22:45:00.000-05:00

When walking out your front door there are various things you might expect to see, but I'd say that a missile launcher would probably be last on the list. It does raise countless questions as to why it was left there and by whom. Hopefully the authorities can make some sense of it, cause I'm scratching my head right now.

Plame Case Tossed Out

2007-07-19T23:31:00.000-05:00

This really makes me mad, but I sort of expected it. I'm sure that Valerie Plame's legal battles will be tied up in red tape for many, many years to come. The whole thing just evokes a sense of helplessness that makes my stomach turn.

Vick the Prick

2007-07-18T00:23:00.000-05:00

My girlfriend told me about this story months ago when they initially raided Michael Vick's property in April, searching for drugs. Now it seems they have finally gathered enough evidence and issued an indictment by a Federal Grand Jury for his alleged organization and participation of an illegal dog-fighting ring. I absolutely cannot stand cruelty to animals and I don't understand how some people can show such disregard for another living creature.

For punishment I'd let the dogs he trained and tortured have the afternoon to use his crotch as a chew toy.

Filibust This!

2007-07-16T22:03:00.000-05:00

It seems Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) borrowed someone's spine for a while and is going to force the Republicans to filibuster on the Iraq withdrawl unless they get an up/down vote on the Reed/Levin Iraq legislation. Better get out the sleeping bags and Smores, it's going to be a long night.

CNN - The Most Trusted Name in Sleep

2007-07-15T20:31:00.000-05:00

I won't even attempt to comment on this lackluster, mind-numbingly endless series of counterpoints as I fell asleep by the third point. This would have been far more interesting if they would have transcribed it into binary code.

Love Letters From Michael Moore

2007-07-14T23:38:00.000-05:00

Michael Moore has a knack for pushing people's buttons. Not just one, but like 10 or 20 of them at a time. While I don't always agree with his opinion, he doesn't mind asking the tough questions that many journalists avoid, and he is absolutely relentless when an answer doesn't satisfy him.

After CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta used some inaccurate information regarding Moore's new film "Sicko" that's when the train came off the tracks. A few days later during an interview on The Situation Room I honestly thought Moore was going to rip off Wolf Blitzer's head and use it as a hat, demanding retractions and apologies for their alleged misinformation. Dr. Gupta fared no better the next day as he became Moore's life-size whack-a-mole for the next half hour.

A week later and still no apology or statement corrections for Mr. Moore. That's when he decided to unleash verbal napalm on the CNN office.

I will say that I agree with Moore on most of his points this time around...and it evoked such a visceral reaction that even I wanted to choke the life out of him after reading this biting missive. I'm convinced that were I holding Moore's masterfully crafted paper in my hands it would actually burst into flames while reading it.

This letter is a perfect example of how manipulative and calculating Mr. Moore can be when provoked. I sincerely believe this man could sell ice to Eskimos...speaking of which, I'd say Blitzer and Gupta need some for the charred remains of their backsides right about now.

Cleaning Out the Trash

2007-07-14T22:10:00.000-05:00

Geez Louise, I had a metric shit ton of spam in my comments section of this blog! It took me nearly half an hour to sandblast that garbage off my site...and I still feel dirty .

Obviously these punks have never met my friend Edgarware. I know how to deal with this kind of crap!

My Music

2007-07-14T11:59:00.000-05:00

I haven't composed anything in a terribly long time, and a majority of my music was thought to be lost amidst a computer crash and change of apartments. However, one of my friends did still have a collaborative piece we had worked on a few years ago so I tossed it on my other blog Random Snark. More music updates to come in the near future!

A Welcome Overstayed

2007-07-14T10:27:00.000-05:00

Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki of Iraq has declared they are ready to take responsibility for security of his country and the Americans can leave "any time they want". This is the nice way of saying "How nice of you to drop by...now F off please." We've become the guest that wouldn't leave at this point and I think they're finally sick of it. The Iraqis are rapidly discovering their democracy cannot be dependant on what the Americans dictate it to be, but rather what they forge by their own hands. Will they be successful? The answer is honestly irrelevent...at least they will have a chance to shape their own future instead of having us stand over their shoulder and tell them what it should be.

Bush has repeated his "stay the course" mantra so many times now the Iraqis are wondering "Is this guy ever going to leave?" Bush has said "We will take the fight to enemy," but what he fails to consider is the fact that we're fighting in someone else's backyard now and destroying everything they own in an attempt to protect them. At some point (like now) the Iraqis just have to say "Screw this! Hey...hey...HEY! I will take care of this myself !"

One thing PM Maliki said troubled me though, stating the Iraqi forces are "still in need of more weapons and rehabilitation." Didn't we just train your guys for a couple of years already? By now you've got to have at least one guy that learned something and can teach everyone else. The law of averages dictates even the soldier that fell asleep during arms training retained some fragment of useful information. Surely they can compare notes or something.

I don't anticipate we'll ever completely leave Iraq, but I believe the bulk of our troops should head home, per the Prime Minister's request. After all, Bush did say "As the Iraqis stand up, we will stand down". Let's see if he stays true to his word...instead of leaving it as a problem for "the next guy". In my opinion, the longer we stay, the line between ally and enemy will become more blurred and we further risk turning those we're protecting completely against us.

The World is Over!

2007-07-13T23:48:00.000-05:00

Yes, after 2 years my World of Warcraft account has been cancelled. It was a painful decision, but after an ultimatum from my girlfriend of nearly nine years it was either "her or the game". Since cooking for myself is generally a bad idea and I still haven't figured out how to properly use an iron without burning the house down I opted for the former.

In celebration of my new found free time I've created another blog called Random Snark to share my ramblings on. I don't plan on abandoning this blog although I do intend to make some updates to format and style very soon.

Anyway, look for more to come shortly and check out the new site too!

Retail HELL(o), May I Help You?

2006-12-20T15:03:00.000-06:00

It's great to be employed. The mere prospect of getting a (paltry) paycheck every two weeks always seems to boost my motivation and inspires me to count down the days til my next one. Perhaps it could be the fact the as soon as my direct deposit hits the bank after midnight it leaves just as quickly as it arrived. I don't recall the last time I actually saw any large sum of money other than as a splash of numbers on a computer screen or a payroll receipt.

Regardless of the amount of your deposit the anticipation and anxiety affects everyone. Even if you're Oprah. Well, someone has to buy those 10 million dollar houses along with enough employees to rival a Wal-Mart Supercenter. I wonder if Oprah has direct deposit, and if so, does she sit eagerly at her computer waiting for it to show up in her bank (that she owns) so she can put a downpayment on her next island getaway off the coast of Jamaica?

Alas, I digress.

My real point is this. No matter how you get paid the last place you want to be earning your "9 to 5" from this time of year is a retail store. Mainly because sales of gold, and frankincense, and myrrh have been rather dismal for the past century and a bit of a holiday faux pas, retail stores selling items that even the Japanese Yen wouldn't buy still get absolutely hammered by flocks of patrons clamoring over anything with a price tag.

Retail is absolute hell during the holidays, and if you've ever done it you can appreciate my employment woes. I think I would rather rent myself out as a back hair remover to the stars than do retail this time of year. Wait, I take that back. I'd rather be a back hair remover/toenail clipper/scab licker for the penniless and destitute homeless ragamuffins on the streets of Washington, D.C than subject myself to the idiocy that ensues once "Holiday Fever" begins.

"Holiday Fever" doesn't involve John Travolta or any type of straight-to-dvd dance-a-thon...although, perhaps it should, but it does seem like a good name to call the sheer magnitude of stupidity that holiday shoppers all seem to suffer from. Because I feel it is my civic duty to do so, I will share a few simple holiday shopping tips with you.

1. If CNN does a feature on a new item that should be a warning you're entering the danger zone. This will be an item that you should not attempt to purchase for Christmas until July of next year. If your local news does a feature on the same item you should carpet bomb the nearest mall in a pre-emptive strike.

2. If your child asks for an item that will set you back more than two paychecks you should calmly tell them it should be the item they ask Santa Claus for this year. And when Christmas morning comes regretfully inform them that Osama Bin Laden, armed with a rocket-propelled grenade, blew Santa out of the sky just after midnight and it may be awhile before they can recover all of the toy receipts from the smoldering pile of debris and distribute the charred remains to children the world over.

3. If you're standing in line at a register for customer assistance take a moment to listen to the patrons in front of you. If someone asks about an item and is thereafter informed it is currently sold out, odds are going to be it is still sold out in 3 minutes when you coyly step up to the counter and preface your query with "I know this is probably a stupid question, but...".

4. If you don't know what to buy for someone don't expect the employees of the retail store to do your shopping for you. We have our own unimportant relatives to buy gifts for and couldn't possibly care less about your lack of understanding in your brother Bob's love of "that new thing (ya know)" that you can't even remotely pronounce. God made gift cards for a reason - use em.

5. Finally, if you're going to go all /emo and leave the store in a huff after actually having to (gasp!) wait in line you should save yourself the trouble and do all your shopping online or actually start BEFORE the week leading to Christmas. It should also be noted that gremlins often take up residence in point of sale systems during the holidays, which will cause credit card machines to rarely work, computers to crash once your final item is scanned and gift cards to refuse to load any funds whatsoever.

And that's all for today except one last tidbit of advice. If anyone asks if your UPS shipment has arrived today tell them yes. Then proceed to tell them it contained all the items they start asking you about.

And that all those items sold out immediately.

Nothing quite warms the heart of a retailer like the glimmer of hope fading from a frantic holiday shopper's eyes.

Coming Around Again

2006-12-19T07:24:00.000-06:00

Yeah, just like Carly Simon.

As you may have noticed I'm very cyclic with my writing. This is actually true of just about anything I do. I get so used to routines and nestle comfortably deep inside the security of consistency that it's often difficult to emerge. Still, my new routine continues to elude me. Here lately it seems every time I'm about to get back on track some major change in my life shuffles it all around again.

The short version of the past 8 months of my life involves a change of jobs, a move out of state and the prospect of new possibilities lurking in forgotten places.

I suppose I should be thankful. I mean if you're "done", that is, if you've come to a point where you've done everything you set out to do in this life what remains worth living for? As long as I keep challenging myself to be more than what I have become I don't intend on being "done" any time soon. I'll take a moment to reflect on the lyrics from "Boston" by Augustana:

"She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,"

Is it possible to start a new life when you inevitably end up exactly where you started? I suppose that's the nature of being cyclic when even veering onto a drastic tangent leads you back to the smooth curves of your own circle of knowledge. In most cases the devil you know is better than the one you don't...but the devil always looks so damn good.

Boxes still wait patiently to be unpacked. Loaded with uncertain truths blurred by shades of a past eager to bask in the sunlight. Will I put everything back the way it used to be? Will I put anything back the way it used to be? If I sell my identity along with all the scraps and trinkets inside these sealed up cardboard boxes does that truly wipe my slate clean? If it does, will I be strong enough to change, or instead slip back inside the shell of a convenient excuse?

Habit is easy...revolution is exquisite.

Dis...connected

2006-04-22T21:06:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the long posting absence, but alas, computer armageddon has visited my humble abode. Yes, the horrid beast of technology took a huge crap on my system causing a complete shutdown (not to mention an awful smell to accompany it). I was hoping my computer would at least give me some final farewell before its last reboot into the great beyond...but nada.

Something like this would have been appropriate...

POS Computer: I've enjoyed storing your porn, umm MUSIC files I mean, for all these years, but my motherboard has made a rather odd coupling with an I-Pod in Apt. B-4 and I can't do anything without her - and no "Your motherboard dresses you funny" jokes either. Good luck retrieving your files since I'm gonna refuse to reboot at this point. Oh, and I really didn't delete all those Word documents last year, I just moved them to random folders on your hard drive...I guess you never found them, huh? Gasp...sputter...click.

I now realize just how dependant, perhaps "addicted" is a better description, that I am on my computer and all the information stored on it.

No World of Warcraft
No I-Tunes
No Blogs
Etc...

[twitch, cringe]

I was planning on getting a new computer soon, but wasn't exactly prepared for it right at this moment. I went ahead and ordered a brand new computer and took my old one to "The Geek Squad" at Best Buy to see if it could be salvaged. I'm starting to think after my experience there I shall rename them "The Retard Squad". They did diagnostics to discover the motherboard was fried and would have to be replaced, which they couldn't do because it's a DELL (damn their proprietary systems), but then proceeded to thoroughly clean my computer anyway...which they charged me for.

Me: Wow! This looks great! So my computer works fine now?
Retard Squad: Actually, no.
Me: But it looks brand new...
Retard Squad: And smells like a mountain spring too! Would you like to purchase our 3-year Best Buy warranty for your product today? [cheese-eating grin]
Me: For something that you can't fix?
Retard Squad: Did I mention it smells like a mountain spring? Mmmmmm, nice.

My brand new computer showed up at my door on Thursday in a large cardboard box that has since become a base of operations in which my cats can devise their next plan for world domination. Their previous scheme failed miserably when they realized that humans are not mesmerized by balls of yarn or plush toys filled with catnip.

The biggest change from my old computer to the new one has been the upgrade in video cards. I went from a 64MB card to a 512MB card. Oh, what a difference that makes! Playing World of Warcraft with all the settings cranked up is almost like having a brand new game now. It's pretty amazing the level of detail and colors that I couldn't see previously.

Now as painful as losing a computer is I believe it's even worse getting a new one. I've spent the last couple of days reinstalling software, finding all my favorite webpages and desperately trying to remember all my logins and passwords. I've just about got everything back in order now and should be good to go.

And on that note I'll leave you with a special moment from my first meeting with my spiffy, new PC.

Spiffy New PC: This is a pretty nice place you've got here [looks around] DSL...USB...Flat Panel...yeah I can settle down here [pause]. But what's that smell?
Me: Oh, sorry. My old computer was really ill. He tossed his cookies* right where you're sitting.
Spiffy New PC: [silence]

*neonangel is not liable for any perceived puns or the mental anguish they may have caused you.

It's Official!

2006-04-06T17:38:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am now a Notary Public.

Exciting, huh?

What does a Notary Public do? Well, I'm glad you asked! A Notary Public acknowledges signatures, administers oaths, and takes depositions and affidavits. For instance, if you buy a house there will be paperwork that needs to notarized. I'm the guy stamping all that paperwork.

I was really looking forward to getting my cool embosser, but noooooo. Unfortunately, those have went the way of the dinosaur. They use stamps now because the embossers did not photo-copy well.

Being a Notary Public can come in handy, depending on your work. I'm currently working for a group of real estate investors, so they love me right now. Of course they also love to call me out late at night for sudden notarizations. It would be very useful if you worked at a bank or law office too.

It was relatively simple to become a Notary Public, although it is a lengthy process. It took me about 3 months to get everything setup completely. First, you need to go down to your Town Hall and request a Notary application. You fill out a short form with standard information and pay a small fee (mine was $13.50). About a month later the governor gives you a commission date and sends it back to your county. You have to pick up a $10,000 Surety Bond (I guess if you get sued for some unforseen reason), which takes about another month to get and then you can pick up your commission.

Of course that's not quite it. After you've got your commission you need to order your supplies, which include a stamp and notarial journal (yeah, you've got to keep a journal for everything you notarize). That takes another week and then you're all set. Like I said, it's easy, but just takes awhile.

You can't really make very much with just notarization by itself, but if you charge for mileage then you'll at least make a couple of bucks. However, you might be able to secure some type of raise or bonus if you're able to provide those skills at work.

Altogether everything cost me about $150.00 so I hope it pays off. I got called out the other night for a notarization and my boss gave me $50 for it. I don't know if that will be the norm, but I'm not complaining.

Sorry if I bored you to tears, but it was either this or me ranting about how I wanted to smack Cynthia McKinney around.

Hmmm...I'm sure I can find time for that later though.

10 GOTO 10

2006-03-28T09:01:00.000-06:00

I hope I haven't jinxed myself, but I finally got a new cell phone.

Purchasing a new cell phone always seems to be the kiss of death for me. Let me explain. I rarely use the telephone, but when I do I always have a reason and get straight to the point. I never call someone up just to chat with them. It's a complete waste of time in my opinion.

The only occasions that I've needed a cell phone were prompted by work necessity. Sadly, it seems that each time I've bought a cell phone I either didn't use it at all or found myself seeking employment elsewhere within a matter of months. I'm hoping to break that streak and actually keep my new job for a while. Especially since I just signed a 2-year contract...sigh.

It's really amazing how far technology has come in the past 20 years. I remember my very first computer, the Commodore 64.

Commodore 64 w/monitor & 5 1/4-inch floppy drive

I also remember that I didn't even have a floppy drive to begin with, but had a tape drive instead. Talk about speedy access.

Vic-20 Cassette Drive

I thought I was really "uptown" with my fancy home computer. It's actually a bit of an eyesore though, isn't it? Without much in the way of games or true functionality (by today's standards, at least) I spent a lot of my time learning BASIC programming language and creating my own entertainment. I would be surprised if most of you don't recall this simple program.

10 PRINT "HELLO"
20 GOTO 10

Brings back memories, doesn't it?

It's so funny how children nowadays react to technological blasts from the past, such as this. I recall a few years ago my niece discovered an old Beatles album and as she pulled it out of the sleeve, eyes wide with amazement, she said "This is the biggest CD I've ever seen!"

If that doesn't make you feel old, I don't know what will.

I'm sure that in the near future we look back at our current gadgets and gizmos with the same laughable regard. It turns out that my new phone surpasses the memory of my Commodore 64 by a massive amount (by about 8,000 times, if I did that conversion correctly). It has 512MB of memory, holds about 7 hours of music, takes pictures, shoots video, stores phone numbers, etc. If we consider the rate of technology, then in 20 years a cell phone will have about 40GB of memory and hold 720 hours (30 days) of music or approximately 6 full-length movies. There's no telling what else they'll be able to do, but I'm sure it will be nothing short of amazing.

If my Commodore 64 could send me a message right now I imagine it might look like this.

10 A$="HELLO"
20 B$="MOTOROLO SLVR L7"
30 C$="BURN IN HELL"
40 D$="THANK YOU"
50 PRINT A$
60 PRINT B$
70 PRINT C$
80 PRINT D$
90 GOTO 10

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to compile an appropriate response that won't take more than 64K worth of memory. Hmmmm....small words...small words.

Simple Explanation

2006-03-26T18:10:00.000-06:00

Rarely have I ever given a simple explanation to anything and I'm probably not going to start now. This is more of a "simple explanation" in the way that it's not simple at all.

Just go with me on this.

I've had people ask me about the name for my blog "Lyrical Coma" and where I got it. Well, I'm all too happy to oblige considering I have no other topics of interest to blabber about today.

"Lyrical Coma" is taken from a verse of the song "A Fortune In Lies" by Dream Theater. If you've never heard the band I strongly suggest you check them out if you like progressive rock. I think the band is comprised of some of the best technical musicians, hands-down. I still enjoy them, but sometimes they can be a bit overzealous with songs that define the word "epic" by surpassing the 15-minute mark on a regular basis.

I still remember when I bought their first tape, "When Dream and Day Unite" in 1989. Yes, it was a tape. Compact Discs had not quite caught on at this point, and I couldn't possibly make my own mixed tape without my dual tape player. I was a junior in high school and had a reputation for finding obscure bands that wrote really good music. When I went shopping for new music (which was every week) I used to walk through the entire store, looking at everything along the way. It usually took a couple of hours, but I always took something home with me.

Pegasus Records is the store I bought the tape from. It was a dive of a store, but it was also the only place that carried a large enough variety of non-mainstream music to satiate my palate. This store took up the front lobby of what used to be a movie theater. The Ridge Theater had been in business for years and was the only one in Oak Ridge, TN. After awhile other movie houses more conveniently located and with more screens began to pop up and eventually put The Ridge out of business. I remember when I was still a kid going to see "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back" at that theater. I also recall we were about 10 minutes late and had to stand behind the back row. I was upset for a few minutes, and then became absorbed by the movie. Nowadays, if I miss the previews for movies I can be very "difficult".

A lot of people have absolutely no clue where Oak Ridge is located, not even those who live in Knoxville (about 15 miles east). I tell folks "You know, it's where they built the atomic bomb," and they just sort of stare at me blankly, nodding their head with an "Ohhhh, yeah". Idiots.

Anyway, so I'm digging around for new stuff at Pegasus Records and the owner, some guy named "Wolf", turned me on to Dream Theater. Wolf was an amazing musician and he could make a guitar sing like you've never heard before. He was one of those guys that could play an absolute plethora of instruments fluently. Music was his language and he definitely spoke it well. If he thought something was good then you knew it was worth listening to.

I absolutely loved "When Dream and Day Unite" and one of the lines from a song on that tape really stuck with me over the years. The song is "A Fortune In Lies" and here's the verse.

I can remember when,
In the unity of our five-day sessions
Not even once did we hear the siren song
What kind of imagination
Asleep in some lyrical coma
Who's vain futile memory
Could have been so wrong?

In this passage "lyrical coma" seems to indicate an absence of thought, but to me it's always meant, "being expressive through a complete lack of expression". I know it sounds romantic, but the idea of expressing yourself by doing nothing at all has always inspired me. Sometimes it's what you don't say that tells the entire story.

Also, you may have noticed there's a quote at the top of my page "To build and destroy - only you decide which joy." Most blogs have some type of witty phrase accompanied by a clever explanation as their tag line. I think the quote for my page says it all though. This is another one of those things that's just stuck with me through the years and I even use it on my signature line for every forum I've ever signed up for.

The quote comes from a band named Last Crack. The song it comes from is "Energy Mind" off the album "Burning Time", released in 1991. In my opinion this is an amazingly profound line. It says to me that for everything created something else is destroyed and the choice is left to us. We decide which path to ultimately go down and every judgment will have an effect on those around us. Actually, I think the writer was referring to cocaine (and most likely taking it too) if you listen to the entire song...but hey, it's a hell of a line anyway.

As mentioned in a previous post, Lyrical Coma was also the name I used for a self-published book of poetry I starting writing in high school. I was so proud of this book I even hired someone to illustrate it for me. It turned out really well, but only serves to offer me a chuckle and brief interludes of nostalgia these days. I always had a difficult time writing anything with an upbeat theme. It too often seemed hokey and transparent. Perhaps the only way I could get rid of those darker emotions was to get them down on paper. Here's another poem from Lyrical Coma called "Forever Lost". Remember, "happy" is not my strong point.

Soldiers of thought march today
Vicious, cutting words at play
Killing in the kindest way
The wounded die and scattered lay

Looking out from sightless eyes
Reaching to white-mirrored skies
Sinful, dark, reflective lies
While beauty is what beauty buys

Playing midst life's rotten weeds
Sour, bloated are the seeds
Planting where the bramble leads
And gladly harvest bitter needs

Twisting truth at any cost
Slam the slide and tempest tossed
Bleeding, broken fingers crossed
And there to lie forever lost

Well, I hope you have enjoyed this "simple explanation" of my blog title.

Maybe in the future I'll tell you where the name "neonangel" comes from, but I'm pretty sure someone has already figured that one out.

No doubt I will be able to briefly expand on that description.

Lost and Found

2006-03-24T08:37:00.000-06:00

I'm absolutely captivated by the television series LOST.

I don't think I'm quite as consumed as these folks, but I'm hooked, nonetheless.

Not only is the show a great drama, but it is filled with mystery and intrigue. Each week the show divulges fragments about the survivors lives that all factor into a much larger puzzle. Sadly, for each question answered the viewer is left with three more new mysteries.

The show plays heavily on two of my favorite concepts, which are, "everything happens for a reason" and "six degrees of separation".

The idea behind the former indicates a belief that every action you make, no matter how insignificant, is constantly shaping and affecting the world around you. Furthermore, every consequence of those actions (good or bad) exists to teach you something fundamental that you need to learn in order to grow and survive both mentally and physically. Most people will dismiss this as "metaphysical baloney", but if you truly examine where your actions have led you through life then you might consider the existence of this possibility. Sometimes things happen in your life that even foreshadow future events.

Many years ago I was working at a movie theater in Knoxville and one day some of the ushers were talking about a local radio DJ they listened to named "Ripley". They talked about how funny she was (mentioning something about big boobs) and asked if I ever listened to or met her. I had caught part of her show once, but I didn't really think about it too much. That night, after I got off work, I went to the sports grille next door to have a beer and unwind before going home for the night. I sat down at the bar and within a few minutes someone pulled up a chair beside me. It was a young, energetic, funny female that immediately struck up a conversation with me. Eventually I discovered that the girl talking to me was "Ripley". Perhaps it was all a strange coincidence, but it seemed very odd that I was having a conversation about her earlier that day only to meet her that night. We've been together for nearly 8 years now.

The other recurring factor in LOST is the theory of "six degrees of separation". If you are unfamiliar with this concept it states that anyone on earth can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than six intermediaries. There have been experiements to prove this theory, one using mailed packages to a target destination in 1967 and another using e-mail in 2001. Both experiements came to the conclusion that, in fact, it took betwen 5 and 7 intermediaries for the package/e-mail to reach its goal. This inspired the phrase "six degress of separation". On LOST every character is connected without them even realizing it. Some of these connections have been exposed, but I predict these unknown links go much deeper than have been revealed.Sometimes you can share multiple connections with other people without ever knowing it.

I was at a job interview once with a woman and after talking about work and experience we realized that we had worked together many years previously at the same location, although in different departments. As we continued to talk I noticed a picture of her children on her desk. I thought they looked vaguely familiar. We both suddenly realized that I had worked at the same elementary school her children had attended and actually taught them years before. These types of connections are always there, but most are never discovered. I guarantee that there is a similar link between myself and every person that reads this post. I know it sounds strange, but the experiments I mentioned have already proved its truth.

Much like the TV show LOST I believe that in our lives for every connection lost or forgotten another one is found. Likewise, for every choice made we are creating and affecting our world around us. The next time something seems bizarre or like a complete coincidence there may be more of a link there than you realize.

Until next time!

Sincerely,
Your friend, of your roommate's, cousin's, neighbor's, aunt's, boss's nephew.

One of Those Days...

2006-03-21T22:19:00.000-06:00

You know it's a slow day when your news choices are:

44-year old stale crackers found in a Cold War bunker under the Brooklyn Bridge.

President Bush's Press Conference, which sounds suspiciously like a repeat of his last five speeches.

And a video of a cat falling 80-foot from a tree branch (psst - they finally realized it wasn't a real news story and took it off the site).

On days like these I like to visit a comic strip web-site called The Order of the Stick, which is based on D&D inspired characters. Yes, I'll agree it's an extremely geeky, guilty pleasure, but I find it quite humorous. Creator, Rich Burlew, has about 295 entries for the comic strip spanning over a few years. You will encounter some moments of RPG (roleplaying game) related humor, but for the most part you should be able to relate to and enjoy it just fine.

So be sure and check it out. It will certainly be more interesting than today's shortage of *news.

*News should be defined as "something that is interesting and affects a large group of people". It can also (and more accurately) be defined as "something that has been infrequent since the late '90s".

Nothing To See Here...Move Along!

2006-03-19T16:01:00.000-06:00

So the Shiites hate the Sunnis.

This isn't really surprising, but a lot of people don't understand why. The Arab Sunnis are a minority population in Iraq (about 20%), yet they were closely allied with Saddam Hussein while he was still in power. The Sunnis ran most everything and often used violence as a means to keep the majority Shiites (and Kurds) in line. Now the tables have turned and in the new government the Sunnis have a minority voice and are believed to comprise a large part of the insurgency.

The unrest between the two sects is partly religious, but mostly political. Although both divisions believe in the basic tenets of the Koran the shortest possible explanation for their religious differences involves who should be the leader of Islam. Politics revolves around power and if the new government succeeds then the Sunnis will no longer enjoy the dominance they wielded so freely under Saddam Hussein.

On February 22, 2006 a group of men dressed as Iraqi police officers entered the al Askariya "Golden Mosque" in Samarra and detonated explosives, thereby destroying the holy site. Regardless of whether or not the Sunnis were responsible for this attack seems completely irrelevant because this incident immediately sparked reprisal attacks from the Shiites and counter-reprisals from the Sunnis likewise.

Now weeks later, and with hundreds of Sunni and Shiite casualties, the American government tries to assure us that there is not a civil war brewing in Iraq. Perhaps one of my favorite quotes from the article comes from Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Ahmed Chalabi when he says "There is no civil war here". It all seems very reminiscent of everyone's favorite "Minisiter of Misinformation" Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (a.k.a Bagdad Bob).

One thing is certain and that is now we not only have to worry about protecting our own soldiers, but we have to protect the citizens of Iraq from each other. I'm sure this was all figured into Bush's elaborate and idealistic roadmap for peace. And like a roadmap (albeit a very bad one) it seems that President Bush is driving us to Texas...via Canada.

I'll leave you with a wonderful quote from "Bagdad Bob" which coincides nicely with what the Bush administration would have us believe.

They're not even [within] 100 miles [of Baghdad]. They are not in any
place. They hold no place in Iraq. This is an illusion ... they are
trying to sell to the others an illusion."

So are we buying the illusion this time?

What We Create

2006-03-18T20:05:00.000-06:00

Ever notice when you move from one house to another you seem to find a stockpile of junk that you had completely forgotten about? It's unknown (even to yourself) why you would still have this type of useless crap...yet there it is on the shelf in the closet.

Some of the junk I found:
grocery receipt from 2002
work shirts from a job 5 years previous
blue jeans I wore in high school
pencils with my name on them from 3rd grade
fossilized pack of Wrigley's Juicy Fruit gum from the Mesozoic Era

I also found loads of other crap too plentiful to mention (including a non-working Nintendo 64). Perhaps I thought these items would be "handy" to have one day. Maybe I was waiting for the day that MacGyver would come to my house and need that fossilized pack of gum, broken wire hanger and strategy guide for Final Fantasy III to create a lethal potato gun (with scope).

After hours of packing I gave myself an ultimatum.

"That's it! If I haven't used it in over a year, I'm throwing it out!"

Six trips to the dump later...

I finally got everything boxed up and moved successfully. Thankfully, the load was a bit lighter after excising the huge chunk of dead weight from my closet.

One thing I found that still held some interest was a book a poetry I had written when I was about 19-years old. Oddly enough, I had named the compilation "Lyrical Coma". Some of the poems really gave me a chuckle, but one struck a chord with how I feel about the war in Iraq today and the rest of the world's disdain for the United States.

President Bush's approval rating is so low and his credibility so far damaged that not even a photo-op with an entire team of autistic basketball players could hope to improve it. Now this week we even have to be subjected to more of the administration's popular "Look Over There!" tactic with Operation: Swarmer.

Alas, I digress. Here's the poem I found.

What We Create

Death is contagious
The lies are outrageous
Who's going to save us
From what we create?

Build our destruction
Through constant construction
We wade in corruption
Of sick, blackened hate.

We all praise ambition
Forget our condition
And sink to submission
And then contemplate.

We spread the infection
Ignore the defection
Avoid the rejection
But never escape.

Life still feels empty
In this crumbling city
Death is so pretty...
It's what we create.

Maybe next week I'll see what else I can pull out of the closet. Until then I need to get back to sorting paystubs from my old jobs in chronological order.

I Think We've Got A Pulse!

2006-03-14T07:53:00.000-06:00

It has been QUITE awhile since I've posted anything at all, but I AM still alive after all. I'll give you an update on what's been going on in my life by way of a True or False quiz. So get your number 2 pencils ready!

1. Neonangel lost his job.
2. Neonangel lost his house.
3. Neonangel lost his girlfriend.

If you've answered TRUE to each question so far give yourself +10 bonus points for getting 100% correct.

It's been tough times lately, but hey, that's life.

I had quit my dual jobs at Blockbuster and Bailey's Sports Grill over a year ago to work for a long-time friend of mine at a game/hobby store. He offered me twice what I was making at both jobs, so it was sorta hard to refuse. Turns out he overextended his budget by hiring me at HIS suggested salary and after about 8 months I had no choice but to step aside. So what did I do?

I went back to Blockbuster.

It was at this time that my girlfriend's career in radio got blown all to hell and everything started spiraling downward after that. We both got behind in payments on the house and other stuff then we're suddenly faced with foreclosure on the place we called "home" for over 3 years.

Over time I find out from my girlfriend how severely neglected she feels as I start to spend more and more time playing World of Warcraft. This began a long series of fights which involved her possibly having an affair with a friend of mine and later turned into threats to kill herself.

Alcohol was her crutch and mine was World of Warcraft.

And we both HATED each others crutch.

Back to the story already in progress...

We were able to sell our house before foreclosure, thank God! We moved into our new apartment only 2 miles away from our house about 3 months ago. Although my girlfriend STILL didn't have a job after nearly a year and a failed attempt to start her own business, she finally decided to go back to school to become a Certified Nursing Assistant. Things were starting to look up again when suddenly me and my girlfriend had another HUGE blowout last month and I had finally had enough. I kicked her out of the house. Of course I immediately regretted it, but hindsight is 20/20. Truth is, she was going to leave whether I kicked her out or not...it just made her choices much clearer.

After about a month of her being in Oklahoma with her folks we managed to make some ammends, and she returned home. I'd like to say that everything is gonna be fine with us, but I honestly don't know what lies ahead. I think we still have a lot to overcome in our relationship if we plan on staying together. However, after being together nearly 8 years it is very difficult to accept being apart from one another.

My girlfriend started her CNA classes last week and is doing exceptional! She's very enthusiastic and frankly the happiest I've seen her in ages. Whether or not we remain together I am extremely proud of her and will continue to applaud her efforts.

Now I have started a new job working for a group of real estate investors. Oddly enough I met my new employer when I was going through foreclosure on my house. Further proof (at least to me) that everything happens for a reason.

Although I don't live in New Orleans the past year of my life seems like I've had Katrina in my living room. Now I'm starting the rebuilding process of my life and recovering things that were lost or forgotten (like this blog).

Life isn't always good...but it's not always bad either.

Believe.

Yea, How Prophetic I Am

2005-05-20T10:06:00.000-05:00

Quote from the third book of NostraNeon Chapter 2 Verses 5-8:

5: "And it shall come to pass in the fifth month there will be great financial woes and a multitude of collectors of bills will ascend from below bringing hellfire and brimstone and a copy of 'Anne Murray's Greatest Hits' and you shall be sore afraid."

6: "These collectors of bills shall be relentless and should you strike one down they shall multiply three and forty-fold and sell your name to certain third-party companies that will offer credit you no longer qualify for. And their frequency of offers will be abundant, so let it be said."

7: "Where once there was a job there shall be none instead and there will be moaning and gnashing of teeth and even many (many) shots of Crown Royal will not soothe the burden. Alas, you should continue to try lest you waste the bottle."

8: "Do not despair, sayeth the Lord, for Ramen Noodles and processed cheese shall be plentiful. And you shall be gassy, yet content. Forever and ever. Amen."

Gee, I wish I had pulled this out of the attic earlier this year and I could have at least got myself in the right mindset for losing a job. Well, I honestly don't believe all this nonsense.

I mean, I still have a job. I'm doing fine.

Wait, what's that noise?

[music coming from outside]
"And even though we ain't got money
I'm so in love with ya honey
Everything bring a chain of lo-o-o-o-ve"

....Ummmm, honey....we still have that bottle of Crown don't we?

New and Used

2005-05-18T14:23:00.000-05:00

I am a "new" whore.

No, not as in "I have recently started selling my body on Magnolia Avenue", but meaning I have this strange fetish for "new" things. This applies to CDs, video games, movies, cars, etc. Not that used items are necessarily bad (unless you're talking about condoms or tampons - ewwww) but I feel like I'm either inheriting someone else's problems or the item has been somehow tainted by the previous owner.

Am I such a self-centered bastard that I think I'm that much better than everyone else, like my shit doesn't stink too? Yeah probably, but to put that in some kind of context you have to understand that my girlfriend is convinced that I never shit at all...and we've been together 6 years.

Not only do I always have to buy brand new items but I have to buy the most expensive item available. God forbid I ever buy a generic product for fear of getting a defective item. I did break my own rule however, and bought some Kroger brand cough syrup this weekend and it nearly killed me (the buying part, not the syrup). I blame it all on the foggy, mind-numbing effect of the dose(s) of Nyquil I had taken at the time.

Funny, I don't really recall driving to the store...or paying for the cough syrup, hmmm.

Anyway, I finally paid off my car around August and by November the piece of @$#!% died and I had to buy a new one. It would have been so simple to buy a used car at a reasonable price, but nooooooo, I just had to go and buy the most expensive ride I could find. Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my 2005 Mazda Tribute, but my monthly payment is almost as much as my part of the house payment.

Of course I never have the insight to plan ahead in the event something should go terribly wrong and as luck would have it my hours have changed at work and I'm not bringing home quite as much. So now I'm contemplating a second job (again) to try and compensate for the loss. Wait a sec...if I'm always right how did I get my math so screwed up on this one? Oh yeah, I almost forgot, my control is so complete that the laws of mathematics bend to my will.

Unfortunately, all the bill collectors seem to be impervious to my methods.

[snippet from conversation between Mazda Credit and myself]

Me: I have 20,000 Camel C-Notes.
Mazda Credit: Camel C-Notes?!? Camel C-Notes are no good out here. We need something more real...
Me: I don't have anything else. (raising my hand) But Camel C-Notes will
do fine.
Mazda Credit: No they won'ta.
(I wave my hand again, using my mind power)
Me: Camel C-Notes will do fine.
Mazda Credit: No, they won'ta. You do realize that we can't see you waving your hand over the phone, don't you?
Me: Crap...well, how about Marlboro Miles?

[end snippet]

Is there some kind of detox method to get me off of these "new (and most expensive) items" only purchasing habits? Maybe I could start with buying boxes of stale crackers from Big Lots (that only sold in Canada over 5 years ago) and work my way up from there.

Remember...small steps.

My Mazda still even has that new car smell. Mmmmmmmmmmm. [drool, slobber]

You realize this is a cry for help don't you?

HaloScan

2005-05-18T13:11:00.000-05:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

I only asked Harvey (twice) about this like a month ago and I finally got around to it. I think I did the code right. Let me know if you notice anything wrong. BTW, thanks for the assistance Harvey!

[edit]Actually I noticed that new comments appear in both the "Comments" and "Pre Haloscan" sections. Is that supposed to happen?

[edit]Evidently it's not working correctly because I logged into Haloscan and it said I had zero comments. Harvey, you'll be hearing from me soon. Help!!

[yet another edit]Nevermind, I think I fixed it. I even changed the formatting a little bit.

Card Flopper or Dice Chucker?

2005-05-13T13:04:00.000-05:00

If you're scratching your head over this title then you've obviously never played an RPG before...in non-geek terms that would be "Role-Playing Game".

I work at a game and hobby store so I'm surrounded by a world of fantasy every day and I started thinking about how I could really classify everyone here into two groups, card floppers or dice chuckers. There should actually be a third group for the employee that farts every 5 minutes. Of course, if I wanted to I could just use the one classification of "freak" and that would pretty much take care of everyone, myself included, but I was overcome by a sudden feeling of compassion (mark it on your calendar).

A "card flopper" is anyone that plays collectible card games like Magic: The Gathering, Yu-Gi-Oh! or Pokemon and the such. Magic started in 1993 and it's the CCG (collectible card game) that all others have been based on. They even have a Pro Tour and World Championship which you can catch sometimes on ESPN2. Don't roll your eyes...it's at least as exciting as poker and they've been showing the same championship game on there for an entire year. Most of these Magic players tote boxes upon boxes of cards to trade with other players or decks to challenge someone with. My girlfriend calls it math with pretty pictures. Card floppers are usually competetive people that like math, which is weird because I hate math and would consider myself a "card flopper".

A "dice chucker" is someone that plays role-playing games like Dungeons & Dragons, World of Darkness, Vampire and so on. Does anyone else remember when people thought D&D was satanic? Oh wait, some people still do. The reason they are called dice chuckers is because various types of dice (d4, d6, d8, d10, d12, d20 - the number denotes how many sides are on the die, i.e. d20=20-sided die) are rolled to determine character stats and probabilities for most actions. These gamers aren't always the sharpest tool in the shed, but they can unleash a barrage of useless information unlike anything you've ever seen when spouting off statistics for any of the thousands of creatures in the D&D universe. Dice chuckers are usually highly imaginative gamers with strengths in science(fiction).

Normally a person is either a card flopper or dice chucker, but not both. A hybrid is possible but you would end up with someone that has coke-bottle glasses and the personality of a cashew nut. In the gaming community however this would be known as "a fine catch".

What does all this teach us...nothing in particular, but it lets me keep Harvey off my back (har, har) and you get to find out some personal details about myself. The reason I bring it up is to illustrate how even a sub-culture of gamers and sci-fi nuts can have very different interests and not just lumped into a "one-size-fits-all" category...although a large majority of them do fall into the "30 years old and never seen a tit" classification.

It's best not to question this oddball post lest you be assaulted by my mathematical onslaught of cardboard pictures.

Are We Ever Gonna Be Okay?

2005-05-12T18:59:00.000-05:00

So a Cessna airplane puts the nation's capitol in chaos yesterday. It turned out to be absolutely nothing, but at the time it was enough to empty the White House, the U.S. Capitol, the Supreme Court and other federal buildings (for some reason NOT the Pentagon) of nearly 30,000 people. One thing is for certain, if I was the student pilot that was riding with this supposed "trainer" I would ask for my money back since he obviously doesn't know how to use a radio or understand the concept of "restricted airspace".

I think it is nearly impossible for any American citizen to forget September 11, but are we ever going to get over it? Will there come a time when we see an airplane in the sky and don't think "Dear God, I wonder what building it's going to fly into?", or "That plane looks awfully low, I hope it hasn't been hijacked".

We are a nation ruled by fear and it will ultimately destroy us.

The reason I say this is once we stop trusting anyone then everyone becomes a potential terrorist. The constant media bombardment of "bad news" is just depressing. I honestly start to wonder if there is anything good left in the world today, and if there is would the mainstream media even report it? We are surrounded by murderous, molesting, deranged, celebrity terrorists...unforunately we can't manage to find or convict any of them. Our legal system has become so politcally correct and muddled in double-talk we can't even see the whorehouse for the whores anymore.

For one moment can't we stop trying to fix the problems with the rest of the world and concentrate on our own before we self-destruct?

Oh yeah, can we watch something uplifting in the news for once other than details about car bomb #91 in Iraq. Yes, we fucking know there was another one, enough already!

Unforgiven

2005-05-11T17:35:00.000-05:00

I saw a really odd movie the other night and wasn't quite sure what to make of it. I'll admit that I have some strange tastes and I prefer to watch obscure artistic films occassionaly. My girlfriend Sarah frowns upon my choices most of the time, but honestly she can't complain too much because our interest in each other began when we discovered we both loved a largely unknown movie named The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover.

Anyway, that's a whole different story - back to the topic at hand.

The movie I saw was called The Woodsman. In this film Kevin Bacon plays a convicted pedophile who is released from prison after 12 years and is trying to rebuild his life.

Kevin Bacon did a great acting job in the film, but I couldn't quite grasp where it was all leading. It ended up being one of "those" movies that doesn't really have a story to tell and only succeeds in making you feel like you've just wasted 2 hours of your life afterwards. The movie boldly addressed delicate subject matter...but why, other than to make us squirm in our seats? There's no act of redemption or profound lesson learned by the end of the film...and it got exceptionally good reviews for the most part.

This brings us to the title of my post, "Unforgiven". The movie portrays Kevin Bacon's character as a victim (some people will disagree), which I completely don't go with. That characterization made me start wondering at what point can you forgive someone for committing a taboo act, if ever? In our legal system forgiveness can be measured by years in a prison term, but for humans forgiveness can take much longer. If someone is a convicted pedophile can you ever truly feel "alright" about them and treat with the same respect you would give to anyone else?

I don't think I can...or would...and I'm pretty liberal.

I say fuck pedophiles, fuck them right in the ear.

Maybe someone could explain the point of this movie to me (because I obviously missed it) and tell me if it involved anything besides the message that "Pedophiles are people too".

WMD - Wedding of Mass Destruction

2005-04-30T09:56:00.000-05:00

So it turns out that Jennifer Wilbanks (the missing bride-to-be) is still alive & well and apparently wasn't kidnapped at all. She turned up in New Mexico and initially made up a story about being abducted by a man and woman with a van (who incidentally cut her hair). Later she admitted the story was fabricated and she just had cold feet about the wedding.

Alrighty then. I think this goes beyond "cold feet" because that indicates that she has doubts about the marriage. Once you go on a 5-state jump across the country, let the entire world (including your own family) think you've been murdered for 4 days and then make up a story involving abduction by hairstylists to try and cover it all up you've gone beyond "having doubts".

A spokesman for the family said "It has been determined that Jennifer has some issues the family was not aware of." Issues? Yeah, like this woman is absolutely friggin' nuts. This is the type of stunt a a ten-year old pulls...only it's for 2 hours, not 4 days. Most 10-year olds also learn that behvaing this way is a bad idea as it usually involves their ass and a close encounter with a piece of wood or a leather strap.

The police say there will be no criminal charges filed against Jennifer for falsifying information. What, why not? So it's okay for this woman from the middle of nowhere to take up precious time for Michael Jackson trial footage on Nancy Grace and not even get a slap on the wrist? Mark Lunsford is really upset he had to cancel plane tickets out there too. I demand retribution!

So what if her fiance farts constantly and smells like cheetos, there's a point where you cross the line and go too far. I think she passed it somewhere around Arkansas.

Garbage Post? You Be The Judge...

2005-04-29T11:10:00.000-05:00

Sarah finally made it back home safely - Yipee! Now hopefully I don't have to listen to her talk about potato salad every single day, although I'm not certain she won't have to be admitted to some type of rehabilitation center to get over her strange addiction.

On an unrelated note I woke up this morning and saw on the news that a whole load of carbombs had been detonated (again) in Iraq killing hundreds of people.

I am so sick of hearing about this every single day that I just assume they are going to blow up at least one car daily, but I don't need to keep hearing about it. Do they even have any cars left? I mean, at the last count they've blown up a billion or so vehicles. You would think they'll either run out of cars to detonate or people willing to blow themselves to smithereens to prove a point.

What is their point? I don't know, but I'll bet their insurance rates are sky high.

Yes, I Would Like Some Cheese With My Whine.

2005-04-19T18:33:00.000-05:00

I apologize for being such a lousy blogger lately. Not that I really need to apologize because it's not like I'm shirking responsiblity for something I'm getting paid for or anything. I have all of 2 readers anyway, so I don't think I've devastated anyone by not posting lately.

Why haven't I posted you may ask? The simple answer is it takes time. I always hate doing something half-assed, so most of my posts I research and take quite a bit of time to write. Maybe this was the wrong approach because it started feeling more like work than fun. I've tried writing smaller tidbits, but they just aren't interesting, even to me.

I guess I've still been trying to find my voice for blogging and it hasn't hit me yet. Where's the balance of writing what I want to say and keep it fun and interesting at the same time? Well, there's no simple answer and I guess I just have to keep trying different things.

Why don't I post anything personal about myself? I have posted a few personal items but I don't generally talk too much about myself (even less to those that actually know me). I trust absolutely no one (with one exception you'll find below) and expect everyone to betray me at some point in my life. I know that sounds really harsh, but experience and the past have shown this to be true. I figure the less people know about me the better. I stopped trying to make friends years ago and don't intend to start again anytime soon. If I make no expectations from anyone then I will never be dissappointed.

Maybe I'm a coward for not wanting more out of life. I don't know for sure. What I do know is that my sweetie, Sarah, is out of town and I'm completely alone with only the cats to keep me company. She is the one person that makes me happy and that I truly need. Without her my already average life drops quickly to dreary soon to be followed up with downright dismal.

I don't have anyone to talk to, go out with or watch movies with and it's pretty lonely. I should be used to being alone because I kept myself in solitude for about 5 years previously...then I met Sarah 6 years ago and things changed a bit. I suppose it's all my fault for not trying to have any friends, but I don't know that I can change that part of me. You may ask how am I able to talk openly online about my shortcomings? Well, because I don't know any of you and probably never will. I have no risk of being hurt because there is no attachment there.

If you have found all this thoroughly "woe is me" and depressing enough I can't say I blame you as it is pretty much like everyone else's annual "disgusted with life, I'm all alone, poor pitiful me" post. Chalk it up to another un-original, un-inspired post from a self-centered asshole. I just miss Sarah.

If At First You Don't Succeed...Fail Again

2005-04-06T20:40:00.000-05:00

Am I the only person who finds it extremely disconcerting that NASA found a flaw in the new shuttle, Discovery, and still intend to launch it?

Keep in mind that this particular flaw isn't just anywhere...it's a crack in the insulation for one of the fuel tanks. Columbia blew up after damaged thermal insulation on it's left wing allowed superheated gases to penetrate and destroy the vehicle. I'm sure the experts there know what they're doing, but geez, it's a crack in the FUEL TANK!

Shuttle Discovery includes 286 modifications made to it since the Columbia tragedy.

Unfortunately none of those modifications included a fuel tank that would not explode upon ignition.

It Always Comes In "3s"

2005-04-06T20:05:00.000-05:00

Well I guess the Pope was really sick after all.

It's strange how we had a Pope, a prince and a lawyer all die this week.

Sounds like the start of a bad bar joke, doesn't it?

In the meantime, I shall ponder who will be the next Pope. I nominate Stephen Hawking just to see the look on someone's face after they've been blessed by a Speak-N-Spell on wheels.

To Blog Or Not To Blog

2005-04-01T14:05:00.000-06:00

I have been so wary on posting anything with today being April Fool's day and all. As you may have noticed I like to comment on current news stories most of the time and while I would like to think the news agencies wouldn't report anything false (hah! like that never happens) I'll err on the side of scepticism instead.

On my way to work this morning I was listening to the radio and they had a bogus news story about Michael Jackson committing suicide and I was like "no way!". I completely forgot what day it was although I found the story strange I didn't catch on until they followed with a story about rapper 50 Cent being shot and I raised a suspicious eyebrow.

The part that makes both of these stories work is that they are completely believable. I would not be THAT surprised if Michael Jackson did commit suicide and 50 Cent was already involved in a shooting just a couple of weeks ago so they are certainly plausible stories.

Well, I won't be fooled again.

Do they really expect me to believe the Pope is dying?

Ha! What a load of crap. Nope, I'm not buying it.

It's Not Over Yet

2005-03-31T12:49:00.000-06:00

Sadly, Terri Schiavo passed away this morning at 9:05AM , as you will undoubtedly see plastered all over the news today. The inevitable has come to pass and now we can finally move on...nope, think again.

This case has polarized a nation on moral and legal issues surrounding healthcare and guardianship. We will have to endure further television specials and legal battles for weeks to come.

It has become abundantly clear to me that the Schindler family truly loathes Michael Schiavo as they cannot seem to agree on anything. They are already complaining that Michael asked part of the family to leave the room about 10 minutes before she died. It's not like he KNEW she was going to die right then and the Schindler family are the ones that requested separate visits and did not wish to be in the same room with Michael. Michael said that Terri will be cremated...the Schindlers said they don't want her cremated as it is against their religion. Michael said Terri will be buried in a family plot in Pennsylvania...the Schindlers want to bury her in Florida.

Do these people hate each other so much they can't muster a single civil moment between themselves? There are obviously deep personal issues going on in this situation that we don't fully understand. I think I have a hunch though and it has to do with the Schindlers being pissed off that Michael did not share any of the malpractice money he received in 1992 totaling more than one million dollars.

If the Schindlers really want to be mad at someone why aren't they mad at Terri for having Bulimia, which resulted in a potassium deficiency that triggered the heart failure that interrupted oxygen flow to the brain and ultimately left her in a persistent vegetative state for the next 15 years? Were Bob and Mary Schindler always so controlling of their daughter during her life that they won't even relent after her death?

The $25,000 Virus

2005-03-31T01:54:00.000-06:00

Evidently some moron thought it would be a really cool idea to hold a contest where entrants would write a virus to infect a MAC OS X system. The contest was cancelled only a few hours after it was announced.

This particular moron also happens to be the CEO of a company that produces accessories for Macintosh computers. After this lamebrain publicity stunt I can't say how much longer he will hold that position. I know if I were on the Financial Board I would be asking for his resignation effective immediately.

After the contest cancellation Jack Campbell, CEO of DVForge, said "I have been convinced that there may be legality issues stemming from such a contest, beyond those determined by our own legal counsel, prior to announcing the contest." What legal advisor could not immediately see MANY problems with inviting consumers to break federal and possibly state cybercrime laws with this type of contest?

Jack wrote some lame garbage he calls an excuse for attempting the contest in the first place. What really irritates me are the comments to the contest cancellation that he posts on his site. They all shower him with praise for "taking a stand", yet there isn't a single negative comment to be found. I realize it is his company's site and he can publish what he wants, but geez, have a backbone and take the good with the bad if you decide to go out on a limb like that. I did find some comments on another site which give a good indication of how the "other side" feels about this stunt.

I'll be blunt...Jack Campbell and his legal advisors are idiots. Better check up on monster.com while you've still got Internet access Jack.

Yet Another Terri Schiavo Post

2005-03-30T20:08:00.000-06:00

The Terri Schiavo case seems to be all we hear about these days so I thought I would make my own comments about it.

Terri has been in a persistent vegetative state for 15 years now. She's not making any progress and she will never recover. I understand her parents don't want to give up hope, but come on people it's been 15 years! Terri's parents claim that she has spoken to them. I'm sorry, but her brain is as useless as a tit on a shovel and holds no cognitive thought whatsoever. They would have as much success convincing me that their spice rack was telling them new recipes for meatloaf.

More than feeling bad for Terri I feel bad for her family and husband who have endured countless years of litigation and watched their "family" relationship crumble. They are the ones that will continue to suffer long after this ordeal is over.

What I find really frustrating is that what I feel is more of a personal family issue has been blown way out of proportion by the media. Even The President decided to stick his nose in the situation and signed a bill, passed by Congress, to have the case reviewed by a Federal Judge.

A couple of facts to consider:

* Michael Schiavo was appointed Terri's guardian in 1990.
* Bob and Mary Schindler have tried to remove Michael as Terri's guardian and also filed for divorce on their daughter's behalf, but both requests have been denied.
* This is the third time Terri's feeding tube has been removed. Amid legal battles raging since 2000 the tube has been reinserted twice.
* This case has been rejected appeals 9 times by different court systems (3 of the denials came from the U.S. Supreme Court).

The short version is Michael Schiavo (Terri's legal guardian) requested to have her feeding tube removed and the courts ultimately agree with his decision.

I think we should respect the court's decision and move on. The important thing to remember when dealing with a persistent vegetative state is that the subject has no consciousness whatsoever. This means there are no cognitive thoughts or feelings of pain, only reflexive actions which may sometimes be misinterpreted as "communication". We aren't keeping Terri alive by reinserting her feeding tube, we are only keeping an empty shell alive...Terri has been dead for 15 years.

Perhaps Terri's family and husband will finally get some type of closure in this and be able to remember they still have a life outside of this 15-year limbo.

Is That A Banana In Your Pocket?

2005-03-29T19:16:00.000-06:00

Hilary Swank has just purchased the most expensive apple and orange in her lifetime (about $163.00 total) when she failed to declare them upon entering a New Zealand airport after a 20 hour flight from Los Angeles.

Doesn't their airport security have anything better to do...like look for bombs or drugs?

Airport Captain: "Did you find anything on her?"
Airport Guard: "Just a pear sir."
Airport Captain: "What?! Have her executed immediately!"

Good thing she wasn't taking a fruit basket to her poor dying grandmother or anything...that could have put her fine in the thousands.

Cross Eyed

2005-03-29T17:29:00.000-06:00

So it turns out that if you're on a jury and you consult the Bible or other religious texts that your ruling can simply be disregarded.

Yesterday Robert Harlan, rapist and murderer, had his sentence changed to life without the possibility of parole instead of death, which was the court's original ruling in 1995. This decision was made because the defense lawyers learned that jurors had consulted scripture from the Bible such as "Eye for eye, tooth for tooth" while in deliberation.

It seems to me that they've taken things a bit out of context in order to make this new judgement considering this particular topic is mentioned numerous times in the Bible. Let's take a look at a few verses in whole.

Exodus 21:22-25
"If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the woman's husband demands and the court allows. But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise."

Leviticus 24:19-20
"If anyone injures his neighbor, whatever he has done must be done to him: fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth. As he has injured the other, so he is to be injured."

Deuteronomy 19:16-21
"If a malicious witness takes the stand to accuse a man of a crime, the two men involved in the dispute must stand in the presence of the LORD before the priests and the judges who are in office at the time. The judges must make a thorough investigation, and if the witness proves to be a liar, giving false testimony against his brother, then do to him as he intended to do to his brother. You must purge the evil from among you. The rest of the people will hear of this and be afraid, and never again will such an evil thing be done among you. Show no pity: life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot."

Having reviewed those verses it makes me wonder why perhaps the most relevant rebuttal to this court dispute was not mentioned.

Matthew 5:38-39 Jesus (Sermon on the Mount)
"You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."

If you consider this last scripture then it could be said that the jurors may have been swayed to let the criminal, Robert Harlan, go free. The jurors had one job, to determine if the accused was guilty or innocent based upon the evidence. They found him guilty and he was sentenced to death. The end decision wasn't solely based around a Bible verse but from what the entire jury agreed upon. By rescinding their sentence of nearly ten years ago the court has only opened the door to further disputes if any future juror makes reference to any text or teaching that has influenced their own moral standards. In my opinion you can't make a very effective juror if you aren't able to distinguish between right and wrong and understand how you came to that conclusion.

Perhaps the even bigger question remains if jurors are not allowed to reference the Bible (or the Qur'an, Torah, Tao te Ching, Atharva, etc.) then why does anyone who gives testimony in court have to swear on the Bible? I guess we can swear on it but God forbid we actually read it.

I'm Alive

2005-03-23T16:06:00.000-06:00

Don't call out the National Guard or anything I am still alive. Sorry that I didn't post anything last week, but as you may have read on Sarah's site I have a new toy. Yes, I did buy an X-Box and she hasn't killed me yet. We've actually been playing together, which has been a lot of fun. With any new toy I'm usually a major addict for a couple of weeks so I'm sure I'll start blogging normally soon.

The Purpose Driven Blog

2005-03-15T18:12:00.000-06:00

What is your purpose in life?

That's one of those questions that you just can't find a definite answer to no matter how hard you search. The deeper you contemplate the implication that there is indeed a "purpose" for you the more it eludes you. However, I am one of "those" people that believes everything happens for a reason...even the bad things.

I believe that it's no accident you're reading this right now. I know it sounds pretty stupid, but it's true. Maybe you're visiting this site because I'm part of your blog family and you're just being nice, maybe I left a comment on your site and you're seeing what I'm all about, or maybe you were just blog surfing and ran across this or even clicked a wrong link. Regardless, it's no accident and there must be something I have to share with you.

Most of you are probably thinking I've suddenly snapped and begun to make no sense whatsoever, but stick with me for a minute. I'm probably the least qualified person to tell anyone how to live (or improve) their life. I'm 33 years old and still have no idea what my "purpose" is or even what I want to do with my life. I've been a teacher assistant for mentally retarded children, an interpreter for the deaf, a worker at a Christmas tree farm, a movie theater assistant manager, a video store clerk, an operations manager for a multi-million dollar client and the list goes on and on. I've done so many different things that even I get lost trying to trace how it all started. I've been to the top and back down to the bottom again, and I still don't know what I'll be doing next week.

Does this type of behavior make me lazy, apathetic or even indecisive? I don't think so. I take life one day at a time and go wherever the road takes me. Sometimes it takes me on detours that I would rather not encounter, but they all seem to serve a purpose. Every job I've had and every person I've known have taught me some small lesson. In life the key is recognizing and applying what you've learned, otherwise you will inevitably make the same mistakes over and over again.

I realize I've made mistakes and I know I'm not perfect (a fact that I agonize over). I strive for perfection in everything I do, even this blog. I think I must annoy many people just because I am so detail oriented even in the most mundane tasks.

Some people use the phrase "You're stuck in a rut," but I believe I just create a lot of dead ends for myself. To me a rut indicates you're stupid enough to stay put, which I never do. I start a new road each time which eventually leads to a another dead end then I start a new road. I'm not sure if the "dead end" mentality is better or worse than being "stuck in a rut" but I have to believe it is all leading to something. Why do I HAVE to believe that? Because if I didn't, then I wouldn't have much of a reason to continue existing.

I don't think that I have any truly profound point to make or some startling insight to your life. I can only offer the advice to believe in yourself. I've been trying to avoid sounding cliche, but that's nearly impossible with the topic I've chosen. The only way you are going to get anything of value out of this post, or a book, or a conversation with a friend is if you WANT to get something out of it.

Take a minute to reflect on why you do the things you do. If your actions hurt someone why do you continue them? Are you even remotely happy with your life or completely indifferent? Most people don't like self examination because they don't like what they find. My attitude is if you don't like what you find then ignoring it won't make it go away. Evaluate the things you don't like about yourself and make honest, realistic goals for areas you want to change.

Why should you even listen to me? That's completely your choice, but if you've read this far you're either coming with me on this one or just seeing how I get myself out of this mess.

My point to this whole post is not how you can improve your life, but just that you HAVE a life...treat it with the respect it deserves and be grateful for every moment you breath. Life is sorta like customer service - you rarely hear about the successes, but you ALWAYS hear about the failures. Just because you don't get a pat on the back at every turn doesn't mean you have failed somehow. Have enough confidence in your own self-worth that your "purpose" may be just around the corner.

The Letter - Part Two

2005-03-15T16:49:00.000-06:00

If you didn't see my previous rant about this incident, here it is.

I am SO furious right now! I just received another letter from the evil service technicians that fixed our A/C unit almost two years ago. Each paragraph of the new letter dealt one insult after another. By the time I finished reading it I was enraged, but felt completely helpless with no reasonable action I could take against the culprits.

The president of this particular company (he's the one that responded to me) obviously has no concept of customer service at all. He took no responsibility for his company and instead blamed everything on our home warranty provider. He also stated we still owe him for the bill in question and if we didn't make payment he would send us to a collections agency and give us a nice mark on our credit report.

If a company's motto is "Customer Service is our Life" and the first couple of paragraphs in a response to a complaint calls you a liar no less than three times, you realize they don't even come close to understanding or embracing that motto.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a voodoo doll to make.

On The Run

2005-03-11T13:36:00.000-06:00

How in the hell does someone have a shoot-out in a busy courthouse and get away? It boggles the mind, yet somehow it happened in Atlanta, GA this morning. Brian Nichols, 33, was facing a retrial for rape and kidnapping in an Atlanta courtroom downtown when he grabbed the gun of a deputy and shot her in the face. He held the court hostage for a few minutes then shot the judge presiding over his case and a court reporter.

First of all, as a deputy, that's pretty sloppy to give someone an opportunity to even THINK about grabbing your gun. I know it's pretty ho-hum in the courtroom most of the time, but they've had enough training (one would hope) to know how to protect themselves better than that.

After the three initial shootings Nichols made his way down a stairwell 8 stories to the street where he shot a second deputy. He then tried to carjack at least three vehicles before ending up in a parking garage for the Atlanta Underground where he finally stole a vehicle.

Okay, this is a courthouse crawling with officers yet no one thinks of securing the building? After the initial shot, which I'm sure was heard by someone, it was another few minutes before Nichols fired again. It seems like during this time officers could have been closing off the area to make sure no one got away. I thought this was standard procedure?

A defense attorney, Renee Rockwell, was on her way to the courtroom immediately following the shooting and was pulled inside an elevator by one of the deputies. The deputy started crying and told Rockwell they were held hostage and the Judge had been shot.

I'm sorry if I sound totally insensitive, but why isn't this woman calling 911 or on her damn walkie-talkie instead of crying her eyes out? Everyone that goes into law enforcement should expect these types of situations at some point in their career and they teach you that. In my opinion, and maybe I'm being a heartless bastard, the security and law enforcement personnel at this particular courtroom have either gone soft or need serious additional training.

Right now the first deputy shot is in critical condition, but expected to survive, the other 3 victims are dead. The search continues across the southern states for Brian Nichols, but at the moment he is still at large. I think this whole situation could have been avoided and I guarantee additional law enforcement training for this courthouse will be a hot topic.

Star Wars III

2005-03-11T12:58:00.000-06:00

I'm glad to learn that 6th and final installment for the Star Wars series, Revenge of the Sith, will be much darker and more emotional than the previous films. It seems this will also be the first of the films to have a PG-13 rating (all the rest were PG).

I'm really hoping George Lucas can redeem himself with the success of this movie. Attack of the Clones was beautiful to look at but the content was simply horrible with some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard. Maybe after all these years Hayden Christensen has finally learned to act. I'm not gonna hold my breath though.

Someone's Fired

2005-03-11T00:57:00.000-06:00

When you're a stenographer for the United States Congress it's usually pretty important that you get the facts straight...especially when you're talking about nuclear weapons.

The Sudanese government became quite upset when a typing mistake indicated that Sudan was a site for nuclear weapons testing in 1962 and 1970. They immediately started their own investigation and demanded to know what was going on.

It turns out that Sudan should have been spelled Sedan (the name of a testing site in Nevada). Foreign Minister Mustafa Osman Ismail was relieved to learn the reports were not true.

I know people make mistakes, but when you're talking about nuclear weapons that should be the one time you definitely don't let anything get by you.

Pajama Party

2005-03-10T14:45:00.000-06:00

Michael Jackson arrived about an hour and forty minutes late to court today after being rushed to the hospital early in the morning for severe back pain. Judge Rodney Melville did not accept this excuse and issued a warrant for Jackson's arrest stating he would also revoke his $3 million dollar bail if he did not show up within the hour. Jackson arrived about 3 minutes past the judge's deadline wearing pajama bottoms and sandals. He appeared very disheveled and had to walk with the help of his bodyguard and father, Joseph. It is unknown what punishment he will face for this infraction.

I feel this is a pretty despicable media stunt for Jackson to pull, however it is very smart from a defensive standpoint. Jackson's 15-year old accuser was scheduled to take the stand today and had been anticipated to go into detail about the alleged instances in which Jackson molested him. Spokeswoman for Jackson, Raymone Bain, stated that "[Michael] knows the seriousness of this. He’s not play-acting", although the timing of this event is highly suspect.

By using this stratagem Jackson successfully assured that the top headline of today's news stories would be about how he was suffering from a supposed back injury and not about testimony from a molested victim. There won't be a single news program tonight that does not show the footage of Jackson shambling up to the courthouse in his pajamas.

I think it's an underhanded trick, but I have to admire its brilliance. This type of distraction is exactly what Michael and his lawyers want in order to draw our attention away from the accusations against him. Ultimately it won't change the outcome of the case, but it will allow Jackson to avoid further humiliation [today] by burying his accusers testimony under a pile of pajamas, figuratively speaking.

Food For Thought

2005-03-10T02:30:00.000-06:00

“One man's poison ivy is another man's spinach.”
George Ade (1866-1944) American humorist

Yesterday, 27 children from the Philippines died and another 100 were hospitalized after consuming roots from the cassava plant, a major crop in Southeast Asia. The roots of the cassava are rich in protein, minerals and vitamins A, B and C. The deep-fried caramelized roots were purchased from a 68-year old female vendor who had failed to properly prepare the treats for consumption. When raw cassava is digested the human body converts part of it to cyanide.

You might wonder why anyone would eat something that is potentially dangerous, but we do it all the time. The Pufferfish is a delicacy in Japan (known as Fugu), but is also highly poisonous, containing Tetrodotoxin. Fugu must be prepared by certified chefs, yet there are still anywhere from 30 to 100 fatalities a year due to improper preparation. There are other foods that you may not even realize are dangerous, such as apple seeds (which contain cyanide) or certain types of mushrooms.

There are still other ways to be affected by food that you may not have considered, like the use of harmful additives. The FDA monitors what they consider to be acceptable levels of these additives, which help preserve food, enhance flavor or provide color, but some consumers may still have severe allergic reactions.

Food poisoning does not just affect humans, but it can happen to your pets as well. The next time you think about giving your dog a piece of chocolate you should reconsider as it could turn out to be a lethal treat. Chocolate contains theobromine, a compound that is a cardiac stimulant and a diuretic. Onions or garlic can also prove fatal to your pet due to the toxin thiosulphate. Onion toxicity can cause your pet to develop haemolytic anaemia, where the red blood cells burst while circulating in its body.

Food can also be dangerous when attempting to eat it in the wrong place...like in your car. There are numerous traffic accidents each year due to someone being distracted by food they're trying to eat or drink. Coffee is the number one offender in food related accidents. According to a survey in 2000 by The Response Insurance Agency food was number 2 on the list of driving distractions (tuning the radio dial was number 1).

I hope you find these facts as informative as I did. Please take a few minutes to educate yourself a little more. I've put all the links in this post at the bottom so you can easily access them. The Philippine incident was a tragic event but hopefully we can all learn something from it.

Cassava Plant
Dangerous Foods
Food Poisoning
Foods Poisonous to Pets
Food Additives
Food Allergies
10 Dangerous Road Foods

The Music Made Me Do It

2005-03-08T23:49:00.000-06:00

***WARNING*** This post contains graphic language and violence. If you are easily offended please do not read any further. You have been warned.

This is going to be quite a long topic, but just hang in there with me. I saw an interesting bit on the news last night that posed the question, should we ban violence in music? This is not a new topic in our society and has been a point of discussion for many years. Rev. Al Sharpton is even making a fuss about a recent incident between two rap artists, which I'll discuss more thoroughly in a moment.

First we must ask the obvious question, why would we want to ban music that contains violent lyrics? Most of you may formulate an answer something like, "Because I don't want to expose my child to violent behavior," which is a completely acceptable response. There are others that might say, "Because I don't want my child to be more likely to participate in and accept violent behavior as a way of life". You'll notice that both answers are very similar, yet the second one indicates that violent lyrics directly influence, if not provoke violent behavior. I think that both answers are correct, but there have been no studies which directly link violence in music to violent behavior, although they have been able to indicate that visual and audio media does have a strong effect.

I take that back, there was one report I found, but I don't have a lot of faith in it and I'll explain why. This report deals with young, black girls between the ages of 14-18 in lower socioeconomic neighborhoods. The reason I don't put much faith in the study is because the subjects are young females from a minority group living in the poorest parts of town, all of who were already sexually active prior to the study. One would think they might have several other factors, aside from music, that are affecting their behavior at such a young age. This particular study focused on rap videos and didn't discuss if environmental issues, such as their home life, were factored into the final results. Nonetheless, the study does share a couple of interesting points. There was also an older study that spouted off a lot of statistics, which I found equally fascinating.

Last week members of rap groups 50 Cent and The Game had a disagreement at a radio station and decided that shooting someone would solve their problems. Behavior like this only further compounds the stereotype that if you're a rap artist you always carry a gun and you're ready to shoot the next person that pisses you off (usually another rap artist that disses your "niggas and bitches"). The Rev. Al Sharpton has called for a 90-day ban on radio and TV airplay for any artist that uses violence to settle disputes or promote albums. Hmmmmm, could be a first amendment issue to me, let's take a look.

Article [I.]
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Sorry Al, but I think they've got you on that pesky freedom of speech bit. I understand completely what Rev. Sharpton is trying to do and respect his intention; unfortunately it's just not going to happen. Radio stations will not stop playing music that continues to make them money, regardless of whether or not the artist turns out to be a homicidal maniac. Radio corporations spend hundreds of thousands of dollars each year in surveys just to determine what people want to hear and will continue to blindly do so unless you respond to their surveys accordingly. In my opinion their surveys are terribly skewed and totally unreliable, but that is another post altogether. My girlfriend could explain the process better than I can considering she used to work in radio, which she's ranting about on her site as I type this. If someone commits a violent act a radio station is not at liberty to intervene or punish the parties involved, that's what we have law enforcement agencies and a judicial system for.

I want to take a moment to examine some lyrics from various artists of different genres and discuss the types of violence they portray. Please be aware these are explicit lyrics that I will be sharing.

Jay-Z: Threat
"And I, nigga I'll kill ya, I'll chop ya up
Put ya inside the mattress like drug money nigga"

Ja Rule: Niggas & Bitches
"Niggas! Grip the iron and keep it cocked
Bitches! Work your clit keep that pussy hot
Cause it's all about sex, money, and murder
Bitches that burn ya, niggas with burners
Cocked and let go!"

2Pac: Ghetto Star
"Send they bodies to they parents up north
With they faces they wrists and they nuts cut off
Fuck em all what I scream as I dream"

All of these artists express a huge amount of rage in these passages and all three wave "murder" around so carelessly. An important thing to take note of is the fact that none of them incite the listener to go out and murder someone, they are merely describing the act or using it as a metaphor for life in the ghetto. Rap music is certainly not the only offender, it just gets the most attention because so far they're the only group going out and DOING what they sing about.

Marilyn Manson: The Beautiful People
"There's no time to discriminate,
Hate every motherfucker
That's in your way"

Now here's one instance where the artist is talking directly to the listener, but he doesn't give instructions to shoot up a school or anything. He simply makes a general statement that we should hate everyone. That would make Christmas cards so much simpler, wouldn't it?

Slayer: Addict
"Your fear gets me high
Unbound I'm the weapon made to sterilize
Sterilize all the idiot victims
Anytime, anywhere, anyone I want"

Danzig: Skin Carver
"Pull another face
Rip another hide
Steal the waning moon
From a dying bride
All the world must die
All the world must die
Ripped and skinned alive
All the world must die
Skin
Carver"

These songs also describe murder, albeit in a much more subtle and darker fashion. I find these lyrics more frightening than the rap lyrics because these artists actually seem twisted and cunning where the rap artists just seemed angry.

Tool: Prison Sex
"I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this
shit blood and cum on my hands.
I've, come, round, full circle.
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon."

Tori Amos: Me and a Gun
"Got a full tank and some chips
It was me and a gun
And a man on my back
And I sang "holy holy" as he buttoned down his pants
You can laugh
It's kind of funny things you think
at times like these
Like I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this"

Both of these songs talk about sexual assault although both have extremely different angles. Neither of these songs mentions murder, but the threat of death (or hope for death, depending on your perspective) lingers on as an afterthought. Sometimes surviving a traumatic experience can be the toughest ordeal of all.

Tim McGraw: Kill Myself
"Just how much I hurt you is hard to tell
This is not some kind of cry for help
Just good bye I wish you well
Because I love you
I'm gonna kill myself"

Toby Keith: The Taliban Song
"So we prayed to Allah with all of our might
And then those big U.S. jets came flyin one night
They dropped little bombs all over our holy land
And man you should have seen em run like rabbits, they ran"

Yep, here's some country music that I actually found violence in. There are definitely more than just these two, they're just harder to turn up because most country music songs in which violence is mentioned are very tongue-in-cheek or have some redeeming moral lesson in the end. The first song does talk about suicide, but to be fair, if you listen to the rest of the song the narrator wimps out and doesn't go through with killing himself. The second song really seems to take pleasure in war, which is very different from being patriotic.

All of the songs I listed here described some type of violent act or hate mentality, but I don't believe for a moment that any of them intend for a listener to act on their lyrics. I think most of these artists are merely expressing their frustration with life and don't expect the world to use their song as an instruction manual for murder and violence.

For once I would like to see parents take responsibility for simply being bad role models, when it applies. I get so tired of people finger pointing at the music industry when the real reason little Timmy shot up his school was because his dad beat him every night, not because he was listening to Marilyn Manson the day he snapped. Music only amplifies emotions that are already inside of us it doesn't change us into murderers. Our environment and surroundings shape who we eventually become, not the radio station or CD we listen to.

If parents repeatedly neglect their children then violent acts comitted by minors are sure to continue. If your child is still a teenager make it a point to know what music they listen to and make good parenting choices. The bottom line is everyone controls his/her own actions and "The music made me do it!" is not a valid excuse. Banning music with violent lyrics will not solve the problem either, but making educated listening and parenting decisions is a step in the right direction.

What If...

2005-03-08T02:42:00.000-06:00

In the media it's not always possible, or exciting, to get ALL the facts straight. With that in mind I offer you a sensational alternative to otherwise drab and boring news stories. Feel free to click on the links to find the "real" story I'm butchering. This post is dedicated to Dan Rather and his inability to properly investigate the facts.

* Calista Flockhart was devastated to learn that her new Showtime docu-drama Flat Actress has been dropped in lieu of a touching series about Bessie the Cow and how she's coping with her shocking diagnosis of Mad Cow Disease.

* Jesus was said to have been "very disappointed" to learn that someone else had already filed a patent for the popular new drink Jesus Juice, thereby nullifying months of hard work and testing for The Almighty. He stated "I hadn't even considered the beneficial side effect of crotch-grabbing that the drink could have".

* The wage increase battle has finally been decided. While Democrats originally requested a $2.10 increase the Republicans had urged for only $1.10. Finally, after many heated debates, they met somewhere in the middle and decided on a buck-fiddy increase along with monthly vouchers that could be redeemed for a free cinnamon roll at Hardees.

* White House welcomes blogger Dixie Normous to daily press briefings and insists that they have carefully scrutinized his...er, her credentials before considering admittance.

* Scientists recently scrapped the idea of a particle accelerator in favor of launching Ford trucks at each other instead. "Yeah, once we get those trucks inside this tube we speed 'em up real quick and they smash into tiny bits with metal flyin' everywhere. Yee-haw, now that's good watchin'!" one scientist remarked.

* Recent studies have discovered milk is not quite as healthy as we once thought; in fact it is now attributed to causing cancer in laboratory mice. Many southern schools have already decided to provide the hip new beverage Jesus Juice(TM) to its students. An anonymous source was quoted as saying "It makes the children much more docile and receptive to learning. They're also much easier for Larry the Janitor to coax into the boiler room for show and tell".

I hope you enjoyed this fantastical stroll through otherwise uninteresting news drivel. Contact me to find out how boredom can also work for you!

Bessie the Cow and Larry the Janitor are trademarks of lyrical coma inc.

Get Out Your Dictionary

2005-03-07T23:19:00.000-06:00

I learned a new word today.

Heteronormative.

Feel free to look it up. I did and it doesn't actually exist. Regardless, this is the very word that some upset members of the Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, and Supporters Alliance (BGLTSA) at Harvard University used to describe comments made by Jada Pinkett Smith at a recent event, reports The Harvard Crimson.

Now let me get this straight...er, perhaps a bad choice of words.

Let me see if I understand this correctly, members of a gay organization got miffed (not to be confused with muffed) because a woman, whom they were honoring, made comments that were too heterosexually normal? What, what, what??

First of all she IS a heterosexual, which I'm sure makes Will Smith a very grateful man, and second her sexuality (or anyone else's) was not the scheduled topic for the evening. She was supposedly relating how to be in an effective relationship and quite naturally she approached that from a heterosexual angle.

I don't believe that she meant to offend anyone at all and I find it very annoying that we have become so ultra-sensitive that a person has to censor and edit his/her life stories to make them publicly acceptable and accommodate every possible ethnic and minority group in the world. I say let people be who they are sexually and not make them feel bad about that. Used to people were afraid to admit they were gay, and if we keep this attitude up folks will soon be just as worried about announcing they're straight.

Perhaps in the future we will have an organization I'd like to call the Politically Correct Program (PCP) to send delegates to offer minority and gender sensitive translations for celebrities. If an institute of that nature were around now I imagine Jada's speech would have been heard something like this.

Jada: "...and that is why I love and cherish Will with all my heart."
BGLTSA Member: "Did you understand a word that woman said? Oh, wait here comes the translation."
PCP Interpreter: "When I met my huzband I snatched him up and says Will Smith you is MY bitch now!"
BGLTSA Member: "Uh-huh, you go girlfriend!"

Living...In Prison

2005-03-07T14:38:00.000-06:00

After her simply grueling five-month prison term in Alderson minimum security prison in West Virginia, which involved cleaning the administration building and making cucumber sandwiches for former mayors, Martha Stewart has been released back into her natural habitat. She will still be under house arrest for the next five months and will be tagged with a bright orange identifier so all of the Martha-watchers can easily locate her and track her migratory patterns throughout the year. Actually, she will have to wear an ankle bracelet for the next five months, it's just that an orange tag permanently stapled to her ear is more amusing. It would also make color coordination efforts for her wardrobe much more difficult.

I was surprised to learn that most people (now) think that her sentence was too harsh. What a crock of shit. When everyone learned about her little insider trading incident a couple of years ago we were all mad as hell and would have probably marched straight to her house, pitchforks and torches in hand, and burnt it to the ground while she scrambled to save her life's collection of doilies and Tupperware if we hadn't been pre-occupied with marching to Iraq instead. Now it appears that Martha has won the sympathy vote from nearly everyone around as people gush about how she's become a new woman.

Human beings are amazing as individuals and terrifying as a nation. The only thing we enjoy better than tearing someone down is building them back up again. It's true, we love stories of triumph in the face of adversity and the media only serves to supercharge our sentiment, by turning villainess into victim. I have no doubt that Martha will, in fact, bounce back easily from her losses and her company will be stronger than ever. For now some would say she has "paid her dues" and is forgiven her former indiscretions, but has she learned anything from this experience? I can only hope that Martha realizes she's not infallible and should drop the holier-than-thou attitude. If it means she will no longer have an orgasm every time she bakes a cake or plants a petunia I think it's worth it. Her new outlook on life is sure to be addressed in her inevitable book about living in prison, which will include topics like "Bars of soap on a budget", "101 uses for toilet tissue rolls" and "How Martha put the POT back in potpourri".

Yes, Martha is off the hook, until we find someone else to hate temporarily. Hey, who's this Michael Jackson person? Well, Pepsi already tried torching him years ago and that didn't work, better pull out the big guns. I've got it! Martha could find redemption by riding a nuke straight into the Ferris Wheel at Neverland Ranch and finally rid us of three things that plague America today: a crappy amusement park, a celebrity pedophile and an old woman with a better-than-you attitude. Now THAT would be "A good thing".

The Letter

2005-03-07T12:14:00.000-06:00

Everything was going fine last week. The sky was blue, the wind was warm and all was right with the world...until "the letter" arrived. Sarah had fixed her first wet coconut cake topped with whipped creme and coconut shavings, of course, and we had just received our first shipment of movies from Blockbuster's online service (comparable to Netflix). We sat down to relax, watch a movie and eat some cake, which turned out pretty darn good for a first effort.

I started to go through my mail, which in itself is pretty odd considering I usually wait until I have a stack of unopened letters about 10 inches high before I even think about checking them. The reason for this is because I have all of my bills automatically deducted from my bank account so all the mail I do receive is usually junk. Anyway, one handwritten letter caught my eye and I opened it first. Upon doing this I discovered that it wasn't a letter from a friend or typical wedding invitation, but instead it was a notice from a company indicating I owed them $130.00. I think I went from zero to bitch in about 0.2 seconds after reading this. Let me back up a couple of years so that you'll understand the depth of my rage for this insulting piece of paper I now held in my hands.

In the summer of 2003 my home air conditioning unit rolled over and died. This was right at the end of July and let me tell you, it gets quite toasty in Tennessee during the summer. I made the standard arrangements with my home warranty company to have someone come out and repair it. Problem solved...or so I thought. After numerous missed appointments and supposedly installing our A/C unit at the wrong house our assigned service technicians finally made the requested repairs...two and a half months later! Yes, it was mid-October before our A/C unit was in working order again, exactly at the point when it was getting too cold to use it anymore that year. I couldn't believe how lousy this company was but I had to use them to be covered under our home warranty.

Now fast forward nearly two years to 2005. The letter I'm holding says that I have 15 days to pay the lame-ass service technicians who replaced our A/C unit in 2003 $130.00 for recovery and haul off fees or the price will increase by 25%. This was the first time I'd heard about this so naturally I was a little pissed off (okay, I was furious). They also sent me an invoice for work completed that I had never seen or signed, which just about sent me over the edge. Now I can understand if they have legitimate fees that they need to collect, but waiting two years to ask for it...honestly!

Normally I can forgive one or two small mistakes from a company but now the gloves were off, this was WAR damnit! I immediately contacted the Better Business Bureau only to discover that the company has already had numerous complaints concerning issues of this exact nature filed against them. Needless to say, within the hour I was busily writing my own "letter" in response to the aforementioned company.

It has been remarked that I have the "pissed-off customer" mentality down perfectly. Yep, the president of their company is gonna have someone to hate tonight. I'm still waiting on a response from them, but if I come home tomorrow and find my home A/C unit missing I think I know where I'll be pointing my finger first.

A Tale of Two Kitties

2005-03-07T02:33:00.000-06:00

I love cats. I never realized this until my girlfriend brought home two cats (which she said she got for me, but I think SHE really wanted them).

A couple of years ago she brought home our first kitten, whom we named Spot. She's mostly white with an orange spot on her back and we were watching Star Trek: The Next Generation nearly every night (Lt. Commander Data's cat is also named Spot) so the name just sorta fit. My girlfriend, Sarah was working as a radio DJ and had a remote broadcast in some backwoods hole in the hills of East Tennessee and a woman was giving away cats from the trunk of her car in a Wal-Mart parking lot. The woman said she would just have to drown any kittens left at the end of the day. Obviously she had torched her PETA card when she discovered it wasn't a gift certificate for a free meal at Taco Bell after all. Spot is very quiet and rarely even meows unless she's lecturing her "babies", which are small mice (or anything fluffy) of various sizes strewn about the house. She often times stragetically places them like little landmines on the floor for us to step on in the morning while we're stumbling around still half asleep. Sometimes she arranges them in strange semi-circular patterns and tries to teach them the delicate art of being a cat. In her spare time she has been trying to learn how to use doorknobs, which she frantically paws at. She will also close doors behind her when she wants to be left alone, of course now she just needs to figure how to get back out once she's in. Although she didn't like for us to pet her or have much to say that all changed when we got cat number two.

Bandit, our second cat came from a fellow employee of Sarah's when she was still in the radio biz. I had decided that I wanted a lap cat and Spot was just NOT going to be that cat so Sarah thought it would be a good time to add a new addition to our small family. When we got Bandit he was very small, cuddly...and stinky, which Spot took notice of immediately. On this rare occassion Spot was actually verbal, of course she was hissing, but it was a start. A few cat baths later Spot still wasn't sure what to think of him, but at least he didn't smell like poo. I named him Bandit because he has (or had, rather) a black pattern on his otherwise gray face that looked like a mask. Keeping with the "giving cats names for dogs" theme worked out as a bonus too. Bandit is an amazingly agile cat and he loves jumping up on the banister and walking the length back and forth. He's also quite fond of leaping to the top edge of the bathroom door when it's open and I'm always amazed at how he manages it. I'm convinced that he understands the word "cute" because anytime we use that word he is compelled to show us his tummy, which demands to be scratched. He loves for us to pet him and hold him, to the point that Spot finally took notice and wanted some of the attention for herself. Now that we have Bandit she has become a much more loveable cat and isn't such a snob all the time.

It's strange when you're old enough to have children yet you still don't and you start treating your pets like they are your very own kids. My saddest moment was when we had Spot spayed and she ripped out nearly all of her stitches. They had to sew her back up again and I made a tearful vist at the veterinarian to make sure she was alright...they still remember me in that office just for that simple visit. My happiest day was when Bandit hopped in my lap, just liked I always hoped he would. I talk to both my cats all the time, although Sarah claims they don't understand a word I'm saying, but that doesn't stop me. I never talk to them about anything important, just typical questions like "Have you been good today?", "Are you hungry?", "Spot, is that your vomit on the floor?". The point is that I know what I'm saying and it makes me feel good somehow, like I'm letting them know in some small way how much they are loved and cherished. I guess all I'm looking for is a meow once in awhile.