Dis...connected

Sorry for the long posting absence, but alas, computer armageddon has visited my humble abode. Yes, the horrid beast of technology took a huge crap on my system causing a complete shutdown (not to mention an awful smell to accompany it). I was hoping my computer would at least give me some final farewell before its last reboot into the great beyond...but nada.

Something like this would have been appropriate...

POS Computer: I've enjoyed storing your porn, umm MUSIC files I mean, for all these years, but my motherboard has made a rather odd coupling with an I-Pod in Apt. B-4 and I can't do anything without her - and no "Your motherboard dresses you funny" jokes either. Good luck retrieving your files since I'm gonna refuse to reboot at this point. Oh, and I really didn't delete all those Word documents last year, I just moved them to random folders on your hard drive...I guess you never found them, huh? Gasp...sputter...click.

I now realize just how dependant, perhaps "addicted" is a better description, that I am on my computer and all the information stored on it.

No World of Warcraft
No I-Tunes
No Blogs
Etc...

[twitch, cringe]

I was planning on getting a new computer soon, but wasn't exactly prepared for it right at this moment. I went ahead and ordered a brand new computer and took my old one to "The Geek Squad" at Best Buy to see if it could be salvaged. I'm starting to think after my experience there I shall rename them "The Retard Squad". They did diagnostics to discover the motherboard was fried and would have to be replaced, which they couldn't do because it's a DELL (damn their proprietary systems), but then proceeded to thoroughly clean my computer anyway...which they charged me for.

Me: Wow! This looks great! So my computer works fine now?
Retard Squad: Actually, no.
Me: But it looks brand new...
Retard Squad: And smells like a mountain spring too! Would you like to purchase our 3-year Best Buy warranty for your product today? [cheese-eating grin]
Me: For something that you can't fix?
Retard Squad: Did I mention it smells like a mountain spring? Mmmmmm, nice.

My brand new computer showed up at my door on Thursday in a large cardboard box that has since become a base of operations in which my cats can devise their next plan for world domination. Their previous scheme failed miserably when they realized that humans are not mesmerized by balls of yarn or plush toys filled with catnip.

The biggest change from my old computer to the new one has been the upgrade in video cards. I went from a 64MB card to a 512MB card. Oh, what a difference that makes! Playing World of Warcraft with all the settings cranked up is almost like having a brand new game now. It's pretty amazing the level of detail and colors that I couldn't see previously.

Now as painful as losing a computer is I believe it's even worse getting a new one. I've spent the last couple of days reinstalling software, finding all my favorite webpages and desperately trying to remember all my logins and passwords. I've just about got everything back in order now and should be good to go.

And on that note I'll leave you with a special moment from my first meeting with my spiffy, new PC.

Spiffy New PC: This is a pretty nice place you've got here [looks around] DSL...USB...Flat Panel...yeah I can settle down here [pause]. But what's that smell?
Me: Oh, sorry. My old computer was really ill. He tossed his cookies* right where you're sitting.
Spiffy New PC: [silence]

*neonangel is not liable for any perceived puns or the mental anguish they may have caused you.

It's Official!

Yes, I am now a Notary Public.

Exciting, huh?

What does a Notary Public do? Well, I'm glad you asked! A Notary Public acknowledges signatures, administers oaths, and takes depositions and affidavits. For instance, if you buy a house there will be paperwork that needs to notarized. I'm the guy stamping all that paperwork.

I was really looking forward to getting my cool embosser, but noooooo. Unfortunately, those have went the way of the dinosaur. They use stamps now because the embossers did not photo-copy well.

Being a Notary Public can come in handy, depending on your work. I'm currently working for a group of real estate investors, so they love me right now. Of course they also love to call me out late at night for sudden notarizations. It would be very useful if you worked at a bank or law office too.

It was relatively simple to become a Notary Public, although it is a lengthy process. It took me about 3 months to get everything setup completely. First, you need to go down to your Town Hall and request a Notary application. You fill out a short form with standard information and pay a small fee (mine was $13.50). About a month later the governor gives you a commission date and sends it back to your county. You have to pick up a $10,000 Surety Bond (I guess if you get sued for some unforseen reason), which takes about another month to get and then you can pick up your commission.

Of course that's not quite it. After you've got your commission you need to order your supplies, which include a stamp and notarial journal (yeah, you've got to keep a journal for everything you notarize). That takes another week and then you're all set. Like I said, it's easy, but just takes awhile.

You can't really make very much with just notarization by itself, but if you charge for mileage then you'll at least make a couple of bucks. However, you might be able to secure some type of raise or bonus if you're able to provide those skills at work.

Altogether everything cost me about $150.00 so I hope it pays off. I got called out the other night for a notarization and my boss gave me $50 for it. I don't know if that will be the norm, but I'm not complaining.

Sorry if I bored you to tears, but it was either this or me ranting about how I wanted to smack Cynthia McKinney around.

Hmmm...I'm sure I can find time for that later though.