Yes, I Would Like Some Cheese With My Whine.

I apologize for being such a lousy blogger lately. Not that I really need to apologize because it's not like I'm shirking responsiblity for something I'm getting paid for or anything. I have all of 2 readers anyway, so I don't think I've devastated anyone by not posting lately.

Why haven't I posted you may ask? The simple answer is it takes time. I always hate doing something half-assed, so most of my posts I research and take quite a bit of time to write. Maybe this was the wrong approach because it started feeling more like work than fun. I've tried writing smaller tidbits, but they just aren't interesting, even to me.

I guess I've still been trying to find my voice for blogging and it hasn't hit me yet. Where's the balance of writing what I want to say and keep it fun and interesting at the same time? Well, there's no simple answer and I guess I just have to keep trying different things.

Why don't I post anything personal about myself? I have posted a few personal items but I don't generally talk too much about myself (even less to those that actually know me). I trust absolutely no one (with one exception you'll find below) and expect everyone to betray me at some point in my life. I know that sounds really harsh, but experience and the past have shown this to be true. I figure the less people know about me the better. I stopped trying to make friends years ago and don't intend to start again anytime soon. If I make no expectations from anyone then I will never be dissappointed.

Maybe I'm a coward for not wanting more out of life. I don't know for sure. What I do know is that my sweetie, Sarah, is out of town and I'm completely alone with only the cats to keep me company. She is the one person that makes me happy and that I truly need. Without her my already average life drops quickly to dreary soon to be followed up with downright dismal.

I don't have anyone to talk to, go out with or watch movies with and it's pretty lonely. I should be used to being alone because I kept myself in solitude for about 5 years previously...then I met Sarah 6 years ago and things changed a bit. I suppose it's all my fault for not trying to have any friends, but I don't know that I can change that part of me. You may ask how am I able to talk openly online about my shortcomings? Well, because I don't know any of you and probably never will. I have no risk of being hurt because there is no attachment there.

If you have found all this thoroughly "woe is me" and depressing enough I can't say I blame you as it is pretty much like everyone else's annual "disgusted with life, I'm all alone, poor pitiful me" post. Chalk it up to another un-original, un-inspired post from a self-centered asshole. I just miss Sarah.